Survival...

L. I. F. E. again. 4 simple words. And yet it just can be so deep and complicated.

Then how about another 6 letter word??? F. A. M. I. L. Y. Another combinations of 6 simple letters. But equally complicated. 

Exactly like how others see but different from what we tend to feel and know. How much others know? How much others understand? ZERO. Nice to see, nice to say. Everything seems to look great and perfect!

Only we ourself know what is exactly happening... 🤔

45 days.

Many must be wondering... 45 days??? Why is it so??? Because is already 45 days from 20th May.

How am I? Not fine at all. Why? I suspect people. People suspect me. Unlimited of suspiciousness. I am the root and cause so I have to be responsible.

Am I crazy? Sooner ? Later? True. Why always suspect this and that??? No choice.

Miserable life...😢

Life is like a roller coaster. Everyone says there are always ups and downs in life. Or even life is filled with colourful colours. But why mine is only filled with black??? Many said i have great life. Many even envy but what everyone sees with their eyes??? It's only the outer layer. What is the content? No one knows and will ever understand except ourself. No difference to an egg. The shell looks nice and smooth but once it's broken up? The content is actually spoilt.

My parents hated me. My sister hated me. But insist me to tell them what should they do to compromise me. Why not I ask them back this question? What they want from me? You all know me too well. I am worse than rubbish in your eyes. Who am I? Your lives are filled with suspicious.
Everyday you all will be burdened by my presence. A while this. A while that.

My life is horrible. I hated myself so much. I am no different from garbage. Only cause unlimited of embarrassments. Only Hong will bring happiness and awesomeness to you all.

LIFE...

PAST... What is it for all? A mental sandwich? With each passing moment I'm becoming part of the past. There is no future for me, just the past steadily accumulating. There is someone who told me that my past is always my past. However, even if I tried so hard to forget it, it still remembers me FOREVER! Past leaves nothing but scars. Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real. The events that cause them can never be forgotten. NOW... I can't see a future or present for myself. Instead, only the past  influences and dictates my EVERYTHING!!! 

How to destroy my past? There is NO WAY I can say. Impossible for me to leave my past instead I only can see it coming towards me like the thunderstorm which will never ending drenching on me... 

Its not right to HATE. But the more I know myself, the more hatred I have towards myself. 

I have wanted to quit so much. I wish I never exist. The future that I drew before is just a true illusion in my life. An egg has a the outer shell to protect it. So do I... What everyone see is just my shell. I wish I could tell you how much I care but all I can do is just sit and stare emptily at the wall. I don't know how to explain this pain its driving me crazy not being able to let it out I think I'll go insane. It hurts because your point of view is so IMPORTANT to me.